unschool monday :: learning together

An amazing thing happens after you've been unschooling for a while. You stop thinking about it so much and instead of looking for learning opportunities everywhere you just get interested in life. Learning, after all, happens as part of living. I have started to notice patterns, however. And variations on how learning happens for my owlets. I've also noticed how the owlets learn together, from each other.

Little Owlet is all about learning to read and write at the moment. She works on it for much of the day. She looks to Big Owlet for help at times where I'm busy. Big Owlet is happy to help her because it reinforces her own learning. Writing has been her big learning quest for the past year, so she's happy to get practice reinforcing her newfound skills. Little Owlet learns in a slightly different way to Big Owlet. She's more interested in sounding out the letters than seeing them and prefers to write letters based on shapes made from our hands, than by copying letters on paper. She tells knock knock jokes that are based on phonetics; "Knock, knock", Who's there? "Buh" Buh who? "Ball"... and so-on until she's exhausted everything in her proximity. It requires a certain amount of patience and humour. Big Owlet is amazingly patient, for an eight year old...



The brilliance of family learning is that the older children are so involved in passing the knowledge along. So instead of what looks like the 1 adult to 3 owlets ratio we have most days in the nest, Little Owlet has two people around most days to help her learn. Tiny Owlet has two owlets and one adult to help her learn. And when Huz is home, there are two adults. So much better than the 30:1 ratio we faced at the local schools. It also means that Big Owlet spends more time seeking information from both adults in the nest. As we come to read the same books to the younger owlets, talk about familiar themes, Big Owlet gains a revision session and her confidence grows as she helps pass on knowledge. And now that she can read well, she's taking initiative with her learning, as she sees us do.



Of course, there's an inherent drive in all the owlets to mimic what we do and mimic their older siblings. In the photos, Big Owlet decided to set up a bird hide and "observation office" in the back garden one day. She began drawing pictures of birds and writing down their names. Five minutes later, Little Owlet joined her and was doing the same, but in her own way, writing words spelt out in our finger shapes. Tiny, of course, needed her own notebook and pencil just moments later. I stayed nearby, just close enough to observe them... And so they worked for a little while, together, chattering and talking and helping each other... It's very organic, this way of learning and living. It seems very natural. Learning as a family, together.

Homebirth Awareness Week :: the sequel

Things still aren't looking great for accessibility of homebirth to a great many Australian women. Its getting ugly in some places as people spin hate and fear. The losers in this, of course, are women. All women, who lose out as their choices and bodily autonomy diminish... *sigh* I worry for my owlets and what it'll all be like when their turn comes. But rather than focus on all that, I'm going to think about what homebirth has made ME aware of...



I'm aware that a woman's birth is her own and she needs to own it. 
I'm aware that if a woman chooses care providers, they must trust her, follow her lead, support her fully. 
I'm aware that there is no place around a birthing woman for fear. 
I'm aware that the language used around a birthing woman is so influential to her birthing experience*.
I'm aware that unhindered pregnancy and undisturbed birth can mean instinct takes over and perceived risk diminishes.
I'm aware that I'm the best judge of what is going on with my body and my baby. 
I'm aware that undisturbed birth is unlikely in a hospital setting, although hospital is a fantastic back-up, should I need to access it. 
I'm aware that a strong, patient, experienced female presence can be so reassuring. 
I'm aware that I have everything I need to birth my baby safely into my own hands.
I'm aware that my body does all the hard work for me. I just need to go with the flow. 



I'm aware that space to support each other unhindered, good communication and shared effort can be a wonderful thing for a relationship.
I'm aware that Huz makes a fantastic doula.
I'm aware that I birth loudly, despite wanting to be a nice, quiet birther... And my neighbours are either very polite or heavy sleepers.




I'm aware that babies really do just find their own way to the breast and this happens much easier if left alone.
I'm aware that having my children nearby helps the smooth transition to a larger family happen for all of us.
I'm aware that its sooo good to hop in your own shower and your own bed in your own time and directly after birthing. 

I'm aware that being where the kitchen is always open and where your comfort food is always on hand is ideal after birthing... And that first meal is sooo good.

I'm aware that a birth helps make a house a home.

You can read last year's Homebirth Awareness Week post here. And read about Tiny Owlet's birth here. 

* For example, after Little Owlet's birth, my midwife spoke to me sternly; "If you don't empty your bladder in the next half hour, I'm going to put a catheter in". I felt like a naughty girl... After Tiny's birth, my midwife (a different one), suggested; "you might like to empty your bladder, because you'll feel so much relief and it'll be great for your uterus..." That's much better ;)

my place and yours :: where I sleep

When we were certain that Tiny was on the way, Huz and I upgraded our bed to a king size. At the time, Little Owlet was creeping in during the wee hours most nights and we relished the extra space. A week or two before Tiny arrived, the midnight visits stopped and Little Owlet found her own bed most comfy.



My bed is comfy, but decidedly no frills at the moment. There's a bed rail to keep Tiny safe, and an ancient clock radio which I occasionally glance at, bleary eyed, in the night. There is no time for reading, so no book, no lamp. No glass of water in case a restless Tiny tips it up. All that will return, one day, when it's just me and Huz in that great big bed again.



Tiny has slept with me since her first day. She's not much of a sleeper. Unless I'm there. At night, she wakes regularly, until I wander in to curl up beside her. Then she sleeps soundly until morning, stirring lightly on occasion, to feed or check I'm there. I know she's ready to wake up when she grins. That cheeky, scrunchy nosed, four toothed grin, and the lunge for dada... And we begin our day...

More sleepy places at Punky & Me

flea market finds :: last weekend's haul

We've had a couple of good weeks at garage sales and op shops... It's the perfect time of year for it, as Huz pointed out. Long enough away from Christmas, just right for spring cleaning. We've actually found ourselves at the garage sales and oppys completely by chance, just wandering by. We've scored the usual games and books for owlets, but here are a couple of extra bits that have filled our nest with lovely :)







I must say, the dresses are my faves. Little owlet looks so perfectly vintage and so completely at home in the red dress. And the pinny for Tiny is by Catimini. Nothing like finding French designer clothing at the tip shop... Why would you throw that in the bin?

You can find more flea market finds over at Her Library Adventures.

Now, because it's Friday night... and Blogtoberfest, it's time to announce the winner of last week's giveaway.... Tartankiwi! You have won the little love bird long sleeved t-shirt and a little something extra. A surprise... I'll spend some time over at yours this weekend and have a think about what you might like and get in touch. Thanks all for playing along with my weekly giveaways this month. It's been a pleasure getting to know some of you a little better. xx

wordless wednesday :: waiting for dada

more here

boomerang

I was sitting at a cafe table along a walkway to a local children's craft market one Saturday morning when someone wandered past and said "Is this yours?" They were holding up a hairclip and knowing that the owlets were not wearing clips that day, I answered no... but then, YES! I made that clip! That well worn, washed and scrunched hairclip. I made that and someone's owlet wore it lots. There was the evidence in my hand... It's a lovely thing, making things by hand and seeing them wander past you from time to time, as happens on occasion in this small town. If I had some more time, I might like to do more of it. Making stuff. One day.

Have you ever had anything you've made float back into your life in a surprising way?

Is this your owlet's hairclip? If it is, I'd be happy to return it... and make them a fresh one :) xx

unschool monday :: praise

This may shock you. Then again, maybe it won't... The owlets are not good girls. They are just children. Awesome, fantastic, lovely, friendly, grumpy, messy, ordinary children. They are not naughty. Occasionally they do things that exasperate me. Say things or do things I'd rather they didn't. But naughty isn't a word we use to describe them or their actions. And they are never good girls.

It seems that from birth we are keen to create 'good' children. Good adults. As babies, we are expected to sleep all night, feed four hourly and play happily on the floor in between times. "Is she a good baby?" My neighbour asks me that often. We reward children by telling them how good they are and so they learn that we are happiest when they do what we want them to. They may even learn to feel happiest when we show them our approval too. To expect that love comes from doing what others want. Things do not operate in this way in our nest, as you probably already know if you've been following this blog for a while, or you know us in real life. Our babies do not sleep all night, feed four hourly or play happily between times. They feed on cue, sleep in snippets or in arms and play when they are in the mood. A fact the lateness of this post is testament to. But they are happy and loved and they know it.

It wasn't always this way in our nest. When Big Owlet was about two years old, I was at the doctors, in the loo, trying to produce a urine sample. I produced said sample and Big Owlet exclaimed "Good girl Mama! You did a wee! That's good weeing!" Oh. Dear. The whole waiting room heard, I'm sure of it... I felt embarrassed. A little silly. Ok, a lot silly. I've been called a good girl at other times in my adult life (by a dentist, doctor, midwife...),  and felt similarly silly. But this was different, because I'd taught her that. I'd taught her that by doing what was expected of me I should receive the approval and praise of those around me. And that wasn't my motivation for the initial action, obviously, so to receive praise felt unnecessary.



So we started to think about it. We read a little and changed tack. We no longer lavish praise upon our owlets. We most certainly celebrate their victories and achievements with them. But it comes from a place of being pleased for them that they've achieved what they wanted to, rather than pleased with them because they achieved what we wanted them to. We're not owning their experience. It didn't take long for Big Owlet to shift from "Was I good, Mama?" to "I'm did it!!" when she was so small. And it was so good to celebrate with her. As it continues to be with her sisters. We grin and laugh and clap alongside them and let them know how we're feeling, while honouring their feelings first. Just as we do for each other and other adults around us.

Also part of this is that we offer no rewards. There is no reward chart for jobs done well, dinners eaten or teeth brushed. Pocket money is not given based on contribution to family chores. It cannot be taken away if jobs are not done, but is shared among family members in an age appropriate way, after all bills are paid. Surprisingly, little resistance occurs when the owlets are asked to contribute. They do it, like everything else, because they can see the benefit for themselves and their family. They are not motivated by our approval, although our happiness and wellbeing may be a consideration.

So how does this relate to unschooling? Well, our choice to unschool initially centered around the fact that all the schools available to us are heavily focussed on praise and rewards. Program Achieve! Gold stars, rewards charts, certificates... Perhaps it's one of the reasons we seek praise in the workplace or elsewhere in our lives. Or why we find ourselves doing a university degree we didn't want, or working in a job we hate, with no idea how we got there. Our inherent need to do the right thing and be good girls and boys steers the way. It can lead us down a path that doesn't necessarily suit our own needs so much as meet the expectations of others...

Anyhow, we opted out because we didn't want that for our owlets. They've encountered friends who are so praised up they believe the hype and it's become damaging to friendships (and gosh it's hard work responding to that need for praise when they're around!). They've felt uninspired by stickers and rewards systems and competitive coaxing in various activities and we've breathed easy, knowing we made the right choice for them. We also know that for unschooling to work, the child needs a large amount of self motivation and if they're doing everything for me, they're not learning what they need to for their particular learning journey. So that question "how do you get them to do what you want them to?" doesn't apply. They need to do what they want to and find their own place.

Nowadays, if someone calls Big Owlet a good girl, she'll look at me sideways and say "why did they talk to me like I'm a dog, Mama?" And I'm glad she can see the difference. We do talk to our dog in a conditional, rewards and praise based way. Because we don't want her to be a free thinking individual, able to make her own decisions, motivated by her own passions. We need her to be obedient. To fit in with the group and to feel comfortable within her role and know her place, as defined by us. As family pet. Furry owlet. Not Big, Little or Tiny Owlet, who are growing and learning in their own ways, doing what makes them happy, and who we love no matter what.