19 December 2009

"Life is what happens to you....

...while you're busy making other plans". John Lennon. Possibly my Dad's favourite quote and one I got to understand the full meaning of this year. Life threw the owlet nest a curve ball in 2009. At the start of the year we expected to have a grounding year, made plans to focus on the owlets learning and maybe dabble in a bit of sewing, maybe some markets, maybe have a holiday, maybe think about adding another owlet to the nest towards the end of the year...

Then we found out that some NYE shenanigans meant that the new owlet was on the way sooner than expected. Plans were re-made, shifted forward, things moved aside. Then, on the last day of Autumn, eighteen weeks in, I had a miscarriage. It was here, at home, peaceful and just us. Both girls were here to witness it and touched their tiny sleeping brother's hand. We named him Pippin and buried him under an orange tree in the garden. It was hard and horrible and sad and beautiful and amazing all at once. We grew closer and leant on each other and some brilliantly helpful friends and family. We started to get on with life slowly. I did a few markets and the big owlet was learning to do all sorts of amazing things...Then we became aware of the fact that we actually really did want another owlet, and if we wanted to birth it at home with our favourite midwife in attendance, we'd have to think a little faster before the government plans to stop homebirth with a midwife came into affect. So we did. Then, about nine weeks later, just as we travelled to Canberra to tell the pollies what we thought, I lost another little owlet. This was somehow harder to fathom. Shock, familiar sadness, utter disappointment. There has been much soul searching and waiting and sitting with it, hibernating a bit and waiting for my body to heal... I'm feeling older and wiser for it all. Quite changed. I've learned to not make big plans, to not think out every detail, but relish each moment as it comes and embrace the unknown. I've learned to wait and see and perhaps to view the world through the eyes of my owlets...


So when Huz asked me what my New Years resolutions were, I replied "Sleep more and be awesome." Sounds do-able, right? "How are you going to be awesome?" he asked. "Dunno" I said. Thankfully when the new Frankie arrived in my letterbox yesterday I could see that they are all over it, so I'm taking my time, having a read and looking forward to what's to come...

11 comments:

  1. Ah. What a post.

    You've made me teary & laugh out loud in a matter of seconds, go you - you're already awesome. ;)

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  2. Tis the season for deep thinking...

    What a year you've had Lauren. So much loss and so much learning. Thanks for being open about it. You've certainly gained some wisdom from the trials... think I might try to emulate your style of resolution and have a more gentle approach to plans and dreams!

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  3. Thanks. I'm finding that being honest and open is a truer approach to this blogging business. Its not all pretty fabrics, cups of tea and tidy children... certainly not around here anyway. This year has been all about letting go and going with the tide. Lets hope it takes us to calmer waters next year!

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  4. {hugs} Lauren.
    honest, open and emotional, thanks for sharing & thanks for taking the time to visit & leave a very sweet message.
    all the very best for you & your family for the new year

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  5. wow! I love that share....so true so true. be in the moment!

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  6. I hope 2010 is as awesome as you hope for!

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  7. You're one of the most awesome and inspiring people I know. If the goddess had a face, it would look a lot like yours.

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  8. Touching. I hope 2010 is everything you want it to be xx

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  9. Thanks for the informative information - I enjoyed reading it! I always enjoy this blog. :) Cheers, women-giving-birth-videos.com

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  10. Your awesome for sharing this with blogland. I have hleped friends through similar situations and its not at all easy for your lovely ladies to be dealt such a cruel blow.

    Congratulations on your impending arrival of a new owlet and i think your lovely ladies friends and their lovely red squares are just what you deserve.
    Mox

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