2 April 2012

Creativity...

Reflection

It's like a blister. This creative impulse of mine. It'll burst if I don't do something about it soon. Some days I think it'd be much easier if it wasn't there at all. If I could just ignore it. I'm so fortunate to have been given two things in my life that I'm passionate about. Two things that I love and find utterly absorbing and that I do naturally. Mothering and creativity. They go hand in hand, but unfortunately sometimes, one can override the other... For me, creative expression is meditation. It feeds my soul. Mothering is undoubtedly life changing and defining and the most important thing I will ever do. But it is not sustainable, for me, without creativity. And I'm not talking about creative ways to fold a nappy, or communicate with a toddler, or strew new concepts for the owlets to learn... Creativity in the form of colour and paint and drawing and stitching and fabric and print... Even if no-one ever sees it, playing with all those things, learning and expressing and releasing are just as important as a cup of tea, a warm bath or a cuddle on a hard day of mothering.

Craft room

The last two years are the longest period of time I've spent without creating much at all. First there was school art classes, then art school, then a design degree, followed by working in design jobs for years and years.... Then came Big Owlet. And three months later, I became itchy to design and create again... so I worked from home, designing until Little Owlet was a toddler, finally sewing some bits and pieces to sell at markets and in the owlet shop. Not all of them were my favourite form of expression. Not all of them were free. And some led to creative burnout. But the legitimate forms of creative work I've done have given me an outlet. They've exercised that part of my brain, of my soul, that needs it. And that's just the thing, to me, because the rest of the world noticed those forms of expression- requested, graded and in some cases paid for them - to me they were legitimate. Right now, I recognise that I need to make time for creativity even if no-one benefits. I need to make it a legitimate form of self-nurture and I need to prioritise it. It is my meditation and as important to me as breathing. Just as mothering is. But without creativity, mothering suffers.

Colour #photoadayapril #painting #nofilter

So this post is where I make myself accountable. In the last year, I've tried to replace legitimate creative time with important responsibility - things like groups to attend and organise. I've crowded my days with social outings and owlet centered activity. I've said no to a couple of design markets I'd have loved to be part of, because there's just no time and support to help it all get done amongst all the mothering... And right now I need to shift focus. I need to make time. And play and meditate and breathe. Today I began reading The Divided Heart again, which is so raw and honest and true, like reading the back of my mind and my heart. I sat down with an old book of paper Huz gave me 15 years ago and some paints he gave me too and I played with the colours, swirling and blending and doing nothing aside from watching them work together, as I might have when I was a child... Just painting with no end result in mind, purely in the moment. Nothing else existed. Especially not responsibility. And a weight lifted. It was a start. Who knows what will become of it, this time focused on creating for no-one in particular. But I hope it becomes something worth sharing one day and that the creativity flows freely, without blisters and bumps and alongside mothering, with ease.

Do you make time to create? Is it important to you? 

18 comments:

  1. Beautiful and oh so true. A lot of what you wrote truly resonated with me. Particularly the busyness and the need for things to be legitimate. I have just begun to see the real value of doing things just for me, whether it be creating, doing yoga, sitting reading every now and then. The better mother it makes me...

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    1. Yes, nurturing the soul is so important when we give so much of ourselves every day. Gotta fill that cup up from time to time! xx

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  2. Lauren,

    Your writing is also creative.
    You write from the heart, touching and helping others.
    The opportunities for making and creative are endless and I hope you find the time and space to make them happen.
    I love all your work especially your three owlet "masterpieces".

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  3. I so get that! Glad you're taking the time & space to rediscover your creative mojo!

    xxx

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    1. Between you and me, love, I've got so much mojo, I don't know where to put it! Arrgh!

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  4. Another one who totally gets it! I always have something on the go, and if I am not actually doing anything, I'm sitting with creative ideas bubbling away until I get time to express them. And I'm finding that getting back into making music is having a similar effect. Life would be so boring without creative outlets.

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    1. It so would. I'm inspired by your return to music making, Liz. Need to pull out my flute and remember how that works again! Ha!

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  5. I agree with Angela , you're writing and your blog are also a great expression of your creativity.
    But I totally get this post, if I could not make, and make the things I love to make, little souls and creatures, i think I would die, not physically but mentally and emotionally. Like you i need time to make and create and obsesss and play. I'm not a mother, nor in a relationship, and so I have not face the particular challenge that faced you.( I guess this post for me can me a reminder in a way that while i'm sick of being alone, there are benefits to it.)
    But i do relate to the challenge in my own realm, recently i had to decide whether to go back to full time workin a demanding job which has it's financial benefits, or continue to work part time to allow myself craft time, but struggle more financially.
    But in the end I chose the later, because I can handle that, but being too tired to craft or not having time, is not something I think I can handle.
    good luck in finding the time for yourself I look forward to seeing what comes from it xo
    ps sorry for the very long comment.

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    1. Yep, I totally get that too, Jess. When I worked full time, I lamented not doing the kind of creative work I loved best. I think you totally made the right choice. You've gotta do it for the love ;) xx

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  6. Well today a piece of your creativity arrived in our mailbox and my 4yo was so very pleased to see it hanging over the back of a chair when she woke from her nap. Thank you.
    To answer your questions... I don't make anywhere near enough time to create, even though it is very important to me.
    I've had more of a dabble with fibres and textiles since moving to a house with space for me to dedicate to creating. That has been the nicest part of this otherwise rather soul less house.

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    1. Oh I'm so glad she liked it! Took a while to arrive though... :/ Yay for fibres and textiles brightening your days! xx

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  7. I agree that creativity is as necessary as breathing for a busy mum. I would go stark raving mad if I didn't have one or 10 projects on the go. I am always working on something and it is so great to see things come to life.

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  8. Oh yes. I stopped writing four years ago and it still makes my heart hurt. I'm sure I'm organising painting times for my children because I love to sit and swirl the paint on paper and spend time lost in colour.

    When your children are happy to spend some time with our family I'd like to offer you some space for that creative time.

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    1. Totally up for swapping creative time with you, lovely. You must get back to your happy place and writing again. The world needs your words and what's in your heart. xx

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  9. I don't know if it's the process or the end result that I crave, but I find my day doesn't feel complete without some kind of creative outlet. Like you I need to focus more time on making this happen. I think it is definitely worth the time sacrificed. I know now that it is what was missing in my earlier mothering years. When I didn't know how to sew or knit. But I would like to draw or paint again.. something I haven't really done since I was a teen.

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    1. It really is so lovely to dust off those old skills and make time for them again. I think for me, it's about the process. The end result is just a very pleasing bonus.

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  10. I love that book too! I don't make as much time to create as I'd like. I do write, and I do bake, and occasionally I even crochet, but what I haven't done even a little bit of since baby #3 came along is write fiction, which is my real love.

    But, I feel grateful that I get to write at all really, and I will get back to it one day. But I do agree, I couldn't function just on playing with playdough... I should read that book again too...

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