10 April 2012

the perilous beauty of toddler breastfeeding

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Tiny Owlet and I have reached that part of our breastfeeding relationship where she's suddenly extremely busy and rough and strong and very, very focussed. She climbs and twirls and turns -  sometimes she trips... um, ouch! She twiddles - well, she tries. Tiny Owlet nurses lots. As much, if not more than ever. Anytime I sit down. I'm glad that she does, because most days she's too busy to eat! When there's sickness in the house, she nurses more, in an effort to protect herself. Time for me to step up the self-nurture...

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Tiny Owlet sings and snuggles and when she's not sick, as she is today, she drifts happily off to dream milky dreams... When she is unwell, or if we're just too busy, I'm so thankful that there's always something to provide comfort and a special sense of home... If we're lucky, the world (and Tiny) stops and we look into each other's eyes, just for a moment or two, and I'm so, so glad we have this... because this time really will be over so soon...

Are you breastfeeding a toddler too? Have you? How do you look after yourself on long-long days when you fear sitting down, lest the twiddly fingers lift your top? When Big Owlet was small, I had no idea just how normal it was to breastfeed a toddler. So I stopped just after her first birthday, just as the books suggested... Then Little Owlet came a long and boobs were her whole world! I couldn't dream of weaning her, so she chose to wean herself, in her own time... and let me tell you, it was a surprisingly looong time before she was ready to let go. She needed that connection so very, very much. Tiny Owlet will choose when she's ready too and although I'm not sure she's as attached as her sister was, I'm sure it's a while off yet... 


Some interesting info on feeding a child beyond the first year


14 comments:

  1. Harper weaned me abruptly and without my consent a few months after her second birthday.
    I'm still a little heartbroken.
    I loved breastfeeding my toddlers. It's a really special relationship

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    1. That's right, Shae. I remember. Hugs to you! It is such a surprise when they wean sooner than you are ready. I wasn't *quite* ready for Big Owlet to wean, but everything we'd done led that way... and I didn't recognise a breastfeeding strike as that. So she was done and I was sad for quite a while. Even though it was wonderful that she'd had the time at the boob, it still felt sad! I know you don't need a back pat about how awesome it is that Harper chose when she was ready - it is awesome! But I totally get why you feel sad. xx

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  2. I fed Cohen until about 18 months, then I was diagnosed with hyperthryoidism and advised to wean him before beginning the medication. It was such a stressful time and I was so sad on top of that to have to wean him. I was so worried this time around, with Emerson, that I wouldn't be able to breastfeed because of the medication. But my new specialist said it wasn't an issue and that I hadn't needed to wean Cohen back then, like my last specialist has told me. I burst into tears on the spot!

    It is a special relationship. I felt that a lot of people around me didn't understand why I was so upset about it. I was told that he was eating and we weren't living in Africa, so it was no big deal. But the comfort, the relationship, the bond, it really is something special, even if some days you need a break. Those days I distracted him, or gave him a cup of ice to play with and suck on. :)

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    1. Oh, Christina! I'm sure I'd have reacted in the same way! I'm so sorry you didn't get to finish feeding Cohen the way you (both) had wished. I can imagine just how stressful that must have been for you! Yay for your new specialist! And yay for you for feeding Cohen for as long as you did!

      It is sad when people don't honour the grief that you're feeling around things like this, I think. I'm sorry you felt misunderstood. I wonder why we do it? The article I linked to points out that there are still loads of benefits to breastfeeding beyond babyhood, even if we don't live in Africa, but I hear that one, LOTS. It really is such a special thing that lots of people must miss out on... despite the hard days, it is lovely. Aren't ice cubes the best?! xx

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  3. Ha this in is very timely. My 3.5 yr old told me this week she was done with feeding and hadn't breast fed all week, however tonight she sidled up to me and fed herself to sleep. Just when I thought my babies were all grown up. I do love it as a settling tool, it's great lazy parenting, so peaceful.

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    1. I don't know how I'd parent without it, Kirsty! Just between you and me, Little Owlet still tries the odd milky snuggle ;) It seems a bit of a dance. Yay for lazy parenting, eh? xx

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  4. Such a beautiful post and gorgeous photos Lauren. My mum was an ABA group leader and councillor so on so many ways I was "lucky" that breastfeeding long term was already normalises for me. The Munchkin and I, or rather I, ended our BF relationship at 4 much to her dismay. She had still been feeding all night like a newborn until 4 months before and to be honest, I had had enough of not sleeping properly and had started to not feel like i was able to function very well. I wishid had more opprtunities to nap alone and get massages for my messed up back (bulging disk) She still snuggles up to my "boobies" when she needs comfort and pats them occasionally. I love that we had all that time together and as my first child, lots of chances to just sit and be together and to let her fall asleep on me. If there is a next time I'll take time to heal myself so I can let the maybe baby self wean. :)

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  5. Lovely, Lauren! I fed Lewi until he was 4.5!! He self-weaned. Before we decided to homeschool I used to joke saying that he'd be wanting me to come to the school gate for a little top up. LOL I was also an ABA counsellor for a few years and an avid member of ABA before that. Go extended breastfeeding!!!

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  6. Heheheh! My word verification thingy after I posted that last comment was tityz!!!! LOL

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  7. I am typing away here while my two year old is having a booby feed! This is the longest I have breastfed for so I have skated into the new territory of "extended breastfeeding". Sometimes it annoys the hell out of me, especially when she is in tweak mode. Or if it is the dead of night and she clambers over me to get to her favourite boo-bah. But it must be good stuff, as she has just finished and is smacking her lips together with joy.

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  8. My first two daughters each weaned when I was pregnant with the following one, some time in their third year each. My third (and last) child is still going strong at two years. Sometimes when she is sucking and I am empty of milk, I ask her to give me a break or else I feel irritated, but other than that I feel blessed to have these extended breastfeeding relationships. My oldest (8 1/2) still remembers nursing fondly :)

    Love the photos!

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  9. This is timely for me. I fed Small Z until just after she was two. She was boob fixated. And I was pregnant and exhausted and couldn't go on - she was an all night snacker. I tried gentle weaning for months but I think it just made it more difficult. As soon as she weaned, she slept. all. night. I was so grateful.

    I am now back in the same boat. Waking every two hours or so to feed Small DB - who is 19mo - a little bit older than Tiny Owlet. I've often wondered if Tiny is an all night snacker? I am going to attempt to nightwean (as I did unsuccessfully with my first) - as I'm happy breastfeeding, but don't feel I can go on much longer with the five or so feeds a night :( I feel so conflicted as I know she is going to be upset. However she's very smart - I'm hoping that telling her the boobs are 'sleeping' in between 11pm and 6am is going to click with her...

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  10. Breastfeeding big toddler - nightweaning. Sorry natural parenting ethos, I'm not feeding hourly overnight for another frickin' year. Has made a big difference to how I feel about his daytime antics as well. Thank goodness.

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  11. Hi Lauren, it's time I de-lurked! Love reading your blog and this post makes me a bit melancholy. My 5th baby is now two and was born with a cleft lip and palate which made it impossible (try as we might) to breastfeed, so there was lots and lots of expressing and using the special cleft teats/bottles. A whole new ball game for me as I was so lucky to breastfeed my others easily, who all self-weaned (which I thought was quite rude as I wasn't ready!) Once her palate was repaired we weren't able to establish a B/F connection and I'm feeling a little sad looking at the gorgeous photo of your beautiful little Owlet feeder there. How I miss those days! I can see how much you are enjoying this special time so I hope it continues as long as you both need it to. Happy birthday as well and have a lovely weekend!

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