25 August 2012

Colour and movement


In the words of my late grandmother, "I've never been much of a joiner..." She continued chain smoking into her late seventies because she didn't want to join any Quit campaigns and thought it'd be much harder than it was. Then, one day, she just quit. I wonder what might have happened if she quit earlier, or accessed support earlier... but then she wasn't much of a joiner.


One day I decided to do something very unlike me and join something. It saw me up before sunrise and running around the soccer field, a flock of pacific gulls and a white-faced heron as my training buddies. I discovered that my neighbourhood is at its busiest at this time. Other people get up early and run around in the dark too.


I started moving my body most days and remembering how good that felt. I remembered how great it felt to do something just for me. I bought a bra that wasn't designed for breastfeeding. Clothes designed for running. I giggled at the thought and was completely sceptical, a little embarrassed. But joining was what pushed me to get out of bed and stop making excuses. Paying a large sum of money forced a commitment from all of us to give me space and time.


I was worried that the owlets might see what I was doing and think that I had an issue with my body. I didn't. I never have. I've had an issue with a fashion industry that has refused to make suitable clothes for my body, at any size, but I've never had an issue with the look of  it. The only time I've had an issue with my body was when I thought it was letting me down and interestingly, this led me to ignore it. I stopped caring for it. Stopped moving. I developed all sorts of pain in my joints, injured my knees, accepted a new wardrobe of dark, dull clothes. Chocolate, black, dark denim. Designed to help me blend in, hide away, disappear... Pregnancy saw me find peace with my body again. But the year or so after a baby arrives can be so taxing. It's so hard to find, to make, time to drag yourself away. I still haven't perfected that yet...


At the end of 12 weeks and the beginning of another, I'm feeling so much better. I'm less tired. I'm not in pain. I'm stronger. My head is clearer. I feel a sense of a achievement on the days I manage to get out the door and move. I've taken note of where my body is at and it's doing ok. Big Owlet commented that the biggest thing she's noticed is that my knees are quieter now when I walk down the hallway. That's something.


Instead of making do with drab, goes with everything, dark clothing, I'm also challenging myself to wear more colour. Everyday if I can. Colour that makes me feel good. Colour that matches my mood or helps to brighten it. A little bit like a Colour Dare, but for everyday. Always.


And so I begin again with renewed energy and the assurance of a body that will look after me as I look after it. Everyday and always.


  1. Beautiful, it's funny how things just happen. Just like that. Good on you.... I often think I should start running, it hopefully will happen soon (hehe). I've stopped drinking that glass or two or three while cooking dinner, that my thing!

    Also wanted to let you know I have a garden journal link in on Thursdays.... would love you to join in! xxx

  2. Lauren, doing something for your own body is so important - especially when you give so much to others, so it's good to hear that this renewed path has given you a different form of energy - endorphins are a wonderful thing. I was surprised to read that you were worried that your babes might see you and think you might have an issue with your body. If anything at all, I would have thought your little owlets would have been educated in how super important it is to move your body, fast or slow, and that running, for some, is their way to meditate - clearing the mind and re-energising the body. When our girls see us getting our gear on for a run, they always know it's to keep the body strong and to keep the heart healthy, but also to help us think better. I'm sure if you explained the benefits of running to your girls, they would understand that it's not a body image issue - it's looking after the whole self. Keep at it!

  3. oh well done! :)
    I'm doing Round 3 which starts tomorrow and am mildly pooping myself! I think I'm about to become better at time management and making time to do things ;) LOL.
    Before Sunny was born my favourite colour was brown and after a while I realised that it was because it meant I just blended in... My post pregnancy wardrobe at the moment is mostly dark and I'm finding it dragging my mood down as well, I feel drab wearing these drab clothes, but can't find anything colourful to suit my shape AND my needs at the mo. Such a pain!! I'm feeling really drawn to rainbows and have 3 rainbow yarns in my stash, but the baby seems to know when I am about to touch it and decides she needs me, argh!

  4. I am so happy for you.
    Your face is glowing.

  5. Love this post! I started running last year - so good to do something for yourself. I need to keep back running, because I need to do stuff for myself again. Keep us posted :-)

  6. Fantastic. :) Did you enjoy the meals?
    I start tomorrow. Did you lose much weight?
    You look great. I love the idea about the colour <3


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