5 May 2011
my creative space :: where for art thou?
I've been looking for my creative mojo everywhere. Have you seen it? I've decluttered. Discovered that organising the bookshelf by colour really does bring harmony to the hallway. But the mojo wasn't behind a book. Or in a cupboard. It's just gone. I've been distracted. Instead of finding creative inspiration and using it, I've noted it to myself and filed it away for a later date... When I have time.
I see little dots, smears and scribbles around me, pick out their shape, like watching clouds or seeing faces in tree knots. Then I go cuddle someone, wipe a tear, wash a nappy and I forget about it until next time...
But the scribbles, smears and dots are still there. For when I'm ready to notice and bring them into my creative conscience again. It feels like an eternity since I felt truly creative. I look back at our photos of the last two years and I can find the exact point that the creative spark died. When I stopped listening to focus on other things. Important things. The colour drained and it makes me sad. The magic went from our day-to-day. Since then, creating has been an effort.
I've plugged on regardless. Keeping my hands busy with a little business and learning new things, but it has seemed at times arduous... I'm slowly feeling a shift. The great lesson now is for me to act on the spark when it first occurs... Find the spark and the magic and run with it. Towards it. Rather than wait for my owlets to drag me to it...
To look at it, you'd think it was a fairly creative week. I've knitted, dyed fabric with tea leaves, begun cutting fabrics for dolls for my two biggest owlets. No small feat amongst all the baby gazing and other things I do... But still, it could be more exciting and colourful. More productive and enriching to us all. Colourful and magical. I know it's there waiting... under a rock somewhere. And I can't wait for it to return.
Perhaps it's waiting somewhere over here. Best go look!
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Busy lady! It ebbs and swells, doesn't it? Ride it out...your mojo will come back when it's good and ready, Lauren.
ReplyDeletehugs,
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Seems like there's a lot of missing mojo going around lately. My problem is that I feel too lazy to actually *do* the things I have in mind, even thought I really want to. Don't worry, it will come back around!
ReplyDeleteOh, Lauren. You darling girl. This is such an eloquent post on something so intrinsically personal. Thankyou for sharing it with us. And I'm delighted to see that *you* are rediscovering your spark, all on your own. Spectacular. J x
ReplyDeleteOne of my fave quotes "...To everything there is a season." I am hearing you with the lost mojo. Mine comes and goes. Sometimes I have to just stop and play with the smalls. It feels like they won't be small for long. I feel like I have already missed so much. Take pleasure in the things around you - each moment that you are afforded. Happy creative spark finding! :)
ReplyDeleteIt's life's way of telling us to rest and regenerate I'm sure. I guess it's the yin and yang of things.
ReplyDeleteAnd even though you may think you are not being very creative, the beautiful expression of this post is entirely that! x
Beautiful post Lauren. I'm sure you'll look back on these days with a huge sense of accomplishment. Being a present mum to your girls is such a creative process in itself, passing on your skills, nourishing them But I too dream of the luxury of long stretches of uninterrupted time and the headspace to compose my thoughts more beautifully (as well as my projects).
ReplyDeleteps Funny seeing you and your family in the lift today. I kinda felt like a stalker - sorry if it made you uncomfortable too. It's a bit weird, this bloggy business, when it overlaps with the real world...
What a wistful and thought provoking post. I hope you feel the colours return to your creative life again soon. Sounds like you already know the answer to the question. Go with it.
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